Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
This chapter raised up too many questions for me. It tells us that He had everything planned, and the control freak side of me can't accept that. Did He planned for someone to be miserable, did He planned for those kids to be born just to die in hunger?.. Did He planned for me to feel so broken sometimes.. What if He planned for me to be unhappy for the rest of my life, do I really have no say on that??
God made you so He could love you. - that melts my heart.. What a relief, aight?! Of course He loves me.. And if you love someone, you wouldn't want or wish for them to be unhappy, much more devise an intricate plan to make sure they'd be unhappy.. There's a lot running through my head, but I'm not going to write it in here..
Anyway, the areas of my personality that I am struggling to accept?..
(drum roll!!) December 13, 2007..
and religion. I've always felt out of place. And that sometimes stop me from asking or talking about Him. Cuz if I talked about Him, i tend to talk about Him in a Christian way, and there are people in my life that makes me feel guilty about that.. They took it as a personal attack, as my way of disrespecting and punishing them, what they failed to see is I just don't really know any other way. I'd been learning things on my own, they weren't there to guide me. How could someone punish me and makes me feel so terrible over something that wasn't really my fault?. So in order to not step on anyone, I just shut up, but its been hard sometimes, cuz I get lost and I didn't know how to find Him..
Lets just say, whenever I pray, a side of my brain makes me feel guilty with the way I pray, and then the other side of my brain argues back and defend my way.. So once upon a time, to stopped all those arguments in my head, I just stopped praying altogether.. Right now though, I'm learning to take a stand..
I'm not at all pointing fingers and putting blame on anyone here. I know now, that they had their share of hard times. I'm finally understanding how your personal struggles could keep you away from being present to the people who may need you to be there. Its definitely not my grandma's fault either. It is what it is.. At the end of the day, we are all praying at the same God.. that's what i believe.. Religion just impose limitations on how great and loving He really is..
(drum roll!!) December 13, 2007..
and religion. I've always felt out of place. And that sometimes stop me from asking or talking about Him. Cuz if I talked about Him, i tend to talk about Him in a Christian way, and there are people in my life that makes me feel guilty about that.. They took it as a personal attack, as my way of disrespecting and punishing them, what they failed to see is I just don't really know any other way. I'd been learning things on my own, they weren't there to guide me. How could someone punish me and makes me feel so terrible over something that wasn't really my fault?. So in order to not step on anyone, I just shut up, but its been hard sometimes, cuz I get lost and I didn't know how to find Him..
Lets just say, whenever I pray, a side of my brain makes me feel guilty with the way I pray, and then the other side of my brain argues back and defend my way.. So once upon a time, to stopped all those arguments in my head, I just stopped praying altogether.. Right now though, I'm learning to take a stand..
I'm not at all pointing fingers and putting blame on anyone here. I know now, that they had their share of hard times. I'm finally understanding how your personal struggles could keep you away from being present to the people who may need you to be there. Its definitely not my grandma's fault either. It is what it is.. At the end of the day, we are all praying at the same God.. that's what i believe.. Religion just impose limitations on how great and loving He really is..
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